Jim Foster

I have the original speech in the computer and I am pretty sure it’s mine; but it seems far too brilliant for a bozo like me.

I was going to go on from there and count all my cousins but my calculator exploded.

I know they still make 3-D movies, but I can only remember seeing one. I thought they would have been so perfected by now the heroine would sit on your lap and watch the show with you…

I was so disgusted I taped it.

I could go into the office, but the last time the doorman wouldn’t let me in. He didn’t recognise me.

We hope to solve that problem by hiring only plain girls in the future, and may I say that you certainly more than qualify.

Suddenly it occurred to me that something wasn’t quite right.

I don’t suppose you have ever thought about the similarity between herds of cattle and political parties.

I will pause a moment here to give the Baptists and Evangelicals time to shut down their computers.

From the din coming from the living room, I assumed one or two of the ladies were angry about whatever the morning’s topic was…