A Critique Of The Man-Haters Club
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
‘Men’s inclination for machine technology does not extend to the washing machine.’ – Penny Kome
I discovered that vicious, male-bashing quotation in a book of feminist drivel whilst I was sitting on my porcelain reading chair. What a mean-spirited statement it is and everyone knows it simply isn’t true.
To be fair I must admit some quotations in the book may seem justified. Not the one about washing machines of course, keeping men away from the weekly wash was a decision made many centuries ago when Adam and Eve were dividing up the family duties. The wash day ban was one of the first edicts that came down from Eve after Adam accidentally threw a handful of poison ivy leaves into the tub while she was rinsing out her fig leaf. (A regrettable error that put the rib-shy Adam on the shelf for several months) The noisy fight that ensued over that itchy disaster may have been the final straw in the Lord’s decision to boot the world’s first couple out of their subsidized garden estate. The snake and the apple had nothing to do with it.
The book in which I found this nasty bit of sarcasm was aptly entitled ‘Men!’ and claimed to be a collection of remarks made by women over the years about their husbands, lovers and the guy next door whenever his wife goes to visit her mother. The women quoted, I might add, are people whom no one has ever heard of, Nellie McClung, Clare Booth Luce, Bette Davis and Margaret Atwood to name but a few – like the average male has ever heard of any of them.
Unfortunately one or two quotations may have some ring of truth to them. Perhaps ‘one or two’ is a bit of an understatement. Let’s round it off and say that several, all right, 99 percent might be true, but certainly no more than that. The rest are completely – or almost – false.
There appears to be some evidence the odd male, although none I know personally, may not quite fill the role women have chosen for us as their partners in ongoing relationships, or even as casual acquaintances when they have nothing else to do and no one to do it with. There are a few statements in the book that are simply wrong and if heeded are even dangerous.
Erika Ritter, a well-known author and once a CBC host, said, ‘Old boyfriends, many women report, make excellent cat-sitters.’ What a terrible thing to say about someone who likely loved her dearly although maybe not often enough, and an even more terrible thing to do to a cat! In her view, unless her ex is unusually kind and considerate, he’d leave the poor thing out in the rain or take it to a hockey game in Detroit and throw it on the ice when the octopuses run out.*
The problem as I see it is not that men deliberately try to be dunderheads although occasionally some are and I could name a few and might if they don’t keep out of my beer fridge, but rather, most gentlemen are not wired, (no pun intended) like women and lack a number of traits that women have in abundance. A fine example is the ability to fall asleep while watching TV, even snoring gently (Wait a minute! Women don’t snore. I don’t know what that noise was, possibly a fully-loaded transport truck rumbling by the front window.) Anyway they appear to be sleeping but when her husband/lover/one-night-stand-person quietly changes channels to a Leafs game hoping they might finally be winning, she immediately opens her eyes and barks (a poor choice of words there) ‘I was watching that,’ which she wasn’t but I will say no more.
Another thing that came up a number of times in this book of hate literature is man’s supposed never-ending quest for… how shall I put this… a close and personal dalliance with anything in a skirt, or lately, jeans with the bum out and huge holes in the legs so her tattoos show through. That too is a gross exaggeration. One of womanhood’s own spokespersons confessed to what is really going on in the modern world of dating.
The late Joan Rivers, who I believe was a fairly typical example of demure femininity, was heard to say, ‘A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes 19 or 20 mistakes, she’s a tramp.’
That proves men are much more interested in having a stimulating conversation with a woman. Sex is the furthest thing from our minds – but obviously not hers.
Needless to say I chucked the book in the blue box. I wouldn’t want Mary to read it. Is that censorship? Not really, more like self-preservation.
*Do you remember a few years back when some Detroit fans actually threw a few octopuses on the ice? (Octopi or octopode if you must.)
(Image Supplied)
