Jim Foster

… I recommend keeping your mouth shut. No matter what you say or how apropos the remark is to the conversation, your idiotic wisecrack will come back to haunt you forever.

“Alas, your Lordship, it is not a parking ticket I have come about. I’m afraid her Ladyship has the populace in a tizzy. As a matter of fact they can see her tizzy and several more points of interest besides.”

The Earl was certainly known to be a rotter and if he were alive today would most certainly be fairly high up in the Federal Conservative Party and even higher among American Republicans.

I don’t care for venison, I don’t know why, probably because the Fosters were city folks and thought venison steaks might be sliced from Bambi’s bum.

Take employment income (Box 14) and income tax deducted (Box 22) Subtract (Box 22) from (Box 14); send difference.

This poor soul has been duped by people like McGarvey, Kate Grigg and Bill Keller, who are spreading the rumour around that to write a column one has to have a few brain cells.

The last I heard, she won the jackpot and ran off with a beer salesman. He’s stuck at home with six kids and he doesn’t even know their names yet.

Even our National Anthem doesn’t put the fear of the Lord into anybody.

But if I had one I would never know when to wear it. Would a jacket that gaudy go with everything or nothing at all?

There are several crackerjack lines I can suggest. The ever popular, “What’s a nice guy (or gal) like you doing in a place like this?” is an old favourite.