That One Irritating Guy
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
It is not generally known that on June 29, 1744, a new sport was officially launched at Leith Links, Edinburgh, Scotland. Shortly thereafter, one of the worst crimes ever committed was foisted on sportsmen everywhere by a no-good, torn-down, son of a… perhaps I should explain.
Picture this, two fine Scottish gentlemen, one Sandy Angus McTavish, and the other, Alec (Jock) McHardy, were out for a stroll after a luncheon of Cock-a-Leekie followed by one of those dreadful Scottish oatcakes. Sandy was carrying a jug of 12-year-old Lagavulin Single Malt whisky (no ‘e’ you will notice) in case of the sudden attack of the dry heaves and Alec, a walking stick in case he should over-indulge in the Lagavulin (as he had been known to do on many occasions) and fall down.
Without thinking Alec took a whack at a rock that happened to be lying there minding its own business propelling it into a nearby hole. The very second the rock rolled into the hole, a visiting American tourist appeared out of the mist and shouted ‘In the hole’ at the top of his lungs causing Alec to blaspheme and Sandy to fill his under-britches had he worn any, which he didn’t as he was a Scot and they don’t.
It should have ended there, but it didn’t. To this day whenever a golf tournament is held (Did I mention whacking a small object with a golf club worth several hundred dollars, is now officially called golf?) and a gentlemen hits that object some low-life nearby will shout ‘In the hole’ like he is a part of the game, which he isn’t and for his insolence should be punished.
I may have mentioned this before, but I believe the man should be put to death and slowly and hopefully by his wife since the poor woman has had to put up with this embarrassment since they were asked to leave Scotland lo so many years ago and still he didn’t stop.
A little harsh you may say, not at all. The man is an insult to the game, an embarrassment to his family, (not friends, he has none) and what is more important, an annoyance to me. I will be sitting at home enjoying an afternoon of Christian fellowship with my wife, family, or just friends (anyone who will pour me a drink if truth be known) and suddenly this idiot screams what he thinks is a contribution to the game causing me to toss whatever I have in my glass into the air, across the room, or down my pants.
And yes, we know the man is an American. We know that because his self-serving, attention grabbing cry started down there where they can golf all year long without a snow shovel and now he travels around the globe ruining the game for sports-persons everywhere.
I have noticed he only cries out at PGA games. He never bellows ‘in the hole’at an LPGA tournament where such a shout would bring a whole new meaning to the word rude, and he would be clubbed to death by the golfers and their fans, and rightly so.
This bozo was even at this year’s Canadian Open. What I don’t understand is how he got up here. I thought we had rules to protect us from undesirables, like drug-dealers, Trump Republicans, gun-runners, persons smuggling Tennessee Whiskey (did you notice the ‘e’?) and other alcoholic beverages that should never have been allowed into Canada in the first place.
Surely someone knows who he is. I have tried to pick him out in the crowd of spectators willing to pay a King’s ransom to stand in the hot sun so they can wave at the camera to their friends and family at home, who at that particular moment have taken a moment to slip away for a quick pee or another pint of Innis and Gunn Single Malt Cask 6.6% Beer (Their advertising agency sent me a six-pack several years ago and I keep hoping).
I can picture him; he is probably wearing a red MAGA hat, a loud Hawaiian shirt (a real Hawaiian wouldn’t be seen dead in), plaid shorts and knee socks, the height of fashion anywhere south of the Rainbow Bridge.
* You realize of course that once the Americans come to their senses and replace the president, one and all will be welcome up here – but not the ‘in the hole’ bozo.
(Image Supplied)
