Send In Baba Yaga To Solve The Problem
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
It amazes me The Donald would even think of threatening Canada. Does he not know Keanu Reeves is a Canadian and Keanu is in reality the great John Wick? I don’t care how big his invading force is, whether they be Marines, Special Forces, Navy Seals, or even that drummer boy with the fifer and flag bearer from the American revolution, John would wipe them out before they were halfway across the Rainbow Bridge. Did Trump not see John Wick: Chapter Four?
Granted our John died at the end of the movie, but they have already made John Wick: Chapter Five and it is coming out around Christmas time. That makes me suspect either John is Jesus and was resurrected or he was faking it.
The problem I had with this movie is I didn’t watch it from the beginning and didn’t have a clue what was going on. I had been watching something on another channel that ended at 8:00. I switched channels and there was John killing a whole whack of people, as he likes to do to keep in shape and sometimes just for the hell of it. What I don’t know is why the bad guys wanted to kill our John. (No, not our toilet, John Wick! What are you some sort of idiot?)
Some rich scoundrel was offering 40 million bucks to anyone who could kill him before dawn the next day, an odd sort of contest I thought would be considered a little illegal. On the other hand, the movie was filmed in France and their laws may be a little more relaxed than ours.
I was forced to look it up on the Internet and the bad guy with the bucks was the Marquis de Gramont. That of course, explains it. Have you ever met a marquis who wasn’t a little unhinged?
Now I have to go looking to find the movie on Netflix and watch it from the beginning and I don’t know if my heart can take the violence. I am a sensitive soul and bad things like murders stress me out. I’m sure I told you many years ago during the showing of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein at the old Oxford theatre on the Danforth every time the monster showed up I had to hide in the bathroom. I wasn’t the only one. There were so many scared kids in there the only place left to pee was in some other guy’s pocket.
I will look for it, but when, and if, I find it I may have to have a few drinks before I can watch it. (I have the LCBO on speed dial for just such emergencies.) A few years ago I panicked and tried to turn off The Terminator when an Arnold Swartzenhoofer from the future appeared bare naked in an alley, but Mary said, ‘If you turn off that channel you’re a dead man!’ So I didn’t.
Now I don’t know if you are a John Wick fan. (if you are Canadian you must be or your citizenship will be canceled and over The Falls you go) John is a one-man wrecking crew. In John Wick: Chapter Four he kills 140 bad guys plus the occasional innocent bystander. However his total body count for the five Wick films is 458, give or take a few dozen probables and a woman or two. He is also responsible for a fair amount of property damage, several buildings and a parking lot of cars, and in this one, a flipping bus.
We have read in dozens of magazine articles that Keanu Reeves is one of the nicest guys in Hollywood, mild mannered, polite and generous to his fellow actors and his stage crews. But just like me and a few other saintly souls, once in a while someone annoys him and he flies off the handle and… well, you know what you are like when you are in a restaurant and the server’s thumb is in your soup, you sort of snap and things get a little hairy until the SWAT team comes and takes you away. Well that happens to Keanu a lot and before you know it he becomes a bit of a poopy-pants and the mayhem begins so I suggest that if he went for counselling and… wait a minute. I have a better idea. If we were to tell Keanu and Keanu was to tell John Wick what Trump thinks of Canada…
Watch for John Wick: Chapter Six coming to a theatre near you!
(Image Supplied)
Rants & Raves
