Fade To Black, The End, What’s Next?

A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster

Do you lie awake nights worrying about what happened to the stars after the movie you just watched ended? I do. I spend hours worrying myself sick about movie characters and wondering how they are making out once the film is over.

For instance, did Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) and Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) marry after they met in the little park in You’ve Got Mail? On the surface it seemed like true love, but to me it was a hopeless situation. Joe was obviously a Republican, a ruthless businessman. What else could he be? No doubt he already had his lawyers working on a prenup. He got kicked out of his girlfriend’s apartment a couple of months before and now lives on a flipping boat. Kathleen hates boats and would have to spend all her housekeeping money on Gravol.

She, on the other hand, had a few brains in her head and would have to be a Democrat, as most decent Americans are. If they did marry it would have been connubial bliss until the next election then she would be out on her pretty little bum (you must have noticed it when she was walking up the street on her way to meet him. I replayed that part so many times Mary threatened to leave.)

Tom and Meg fell in love again in Sleepless in Seattle, To be honest, I worry about those two. If I was Tom’s wife, Rita, I’d be putting a stop to it.How do you think that coupling ended up? I couldn’t see it working out either. Would you marry someone who listens to late night talk shows? I thought he had a better chance with Victoria, she was at least willing to meet him at a Holiday Inn for a weekend special. One should never pass up a sure thing.

At least Meg went all the way to the top of the Empire State Building to meet him, not like poor Cary Grant in An Affair to Remember. Cary waited in the pouring rain until midnight and his date never showed. Granted Deborah Kerr got run over by a car, but she could still limp. If you are going to make a success of a marriage you at least have to make an effort.

Last night it was Audrey Hepburn who kept me awake most of the night remembering her Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady.

I’m sure you remember the movie, unless you are a jerk and never watched it. Some people of exceptionally low class do not watch musicals. God will forgive them; after all that’s His business, but I won’t.

Movies, especially musicals, are an art form and should be studied and analyzed while they are fresh in mind. To properly understand a movie you need to put yourself right into the plot of whatever film you just watched. For instance, what exactly was the extent of the relationship between the main characters in a particular movie? Was it romantic or platonic? And if it was romantic how far did it go and to what degree of kinkiness did we see until your wife said “Well, that’s enough of that!”and turned off the TV.

Let us discuss the industry classic, My Fair Lady, and look at the main characters, Eliza and ‘enry ‘iggins (Rex Harrison). As you watched it, where did you really think that relationship was going? If you remember, there was no physical intimacy in the movie; even when Eliza returns to his mansion after leaving in a tiff. Most normal men would have had her up the stairs and out of that dress 30 seconds after she came through the door, but not our ‘enry he just sends her to fetch his slippers. That is not a sign of a man madly in love – unless slippers is code word for Viagra.

And where is Hugh Pickering in this scenario? Now that I think about it, there is something odd about the Colonel. If you remember from the movie, he and ‘enry meet for the very first time outside a theatre and right away he moves in with ‘iggins. We have to assume there was no Mrs. Pickering waiting back at the house to fetch his slippers. And where was his luggage? Mary takes two suitcases and a carry-on just to go to Zehrs, this bozo doesn’t even have a shopping bag.

If they marry, it won’t last. Why? Because ‘enry ‘iggins is a misogynist poop. I give them a week before Eliza takes a bouquet of daffodils and rams it up his… (John says I can’t say that in an online news-magazine).

(Image Supplied)

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