Who Buys This Stuff?

A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster

I don’t know if you have a wife addicted to CNN who often cries out, “Wolf you sexy devil” in her sleep, but as you might expect it can be a bit of a problem. On the other hand if you are a wife whose husband is addicted to CNN and calls out “Wolf, you sexy devil” in his sleep then you have an even bigger problem and may want to look for a boyfriend – or two, one for you and one for the old guy sleeping on the couch.

However, it isn’t your beloved crying out in the night I want to discuss today, but CNN itself. You will be surprised to learn it isn’t the content of their news, the fact they run the same political crap hour after hour, and interview the same bunch of political and medical experts over and over again that concerns me. (One or two of their guests look like they might well have served in Abe Lincoln’s cabinet and they had been around for a while even then) CNN shamelessly runs the same commercials ad infinitum and they are all aimed at old geezers like me. (I was going to say ‘like you and me’ but I don’t want to insult you in case you are but a child in your 70s.)

First let’s look at Joe Namath. Joe was a simply excellent quarterback and is still regarded as one of the top 100 players in the game, but it is not our fault he didn’t put away enough money for his retirement. And obviously he didn’t since he has become a shill for Medicare Coverage Helpline. On the other hand Broadway Joe may have extraordinarily high medical expenses and needs the financial help. Certainly the annual maintenance on a nose that big would run into five or six figures.

As if Joe Namath isn’t enough, they also have Tom Selleck pushing AAG Reverse Mortgages. Tom you will remember played TV`s Thomas Magnum P.I. back when the world was young. Now I am not suggesting both Thomas and Joseph are Scrooge personified but according to their websites or whatever you call the information that pops up on Google, Joe is worth 25 million bucks and Hawaii`s private eye (retd) goes to sleep at night with a comfortable 45 million under his mattress which suggests to me that neither depends on their local food bank to stay alive.

What concerns me most about this pair is not that they are making a few bucks in their dotage years to buy a couple of jugs, but that they are targeting us old geezers. Tom wants you to sell your house and, I guess, live off a monthly allowance. The day after you kick off your kids will find all your furniture including the cat sitting on the front lawn next to the For Sale sign.

Joe wants you to check out whether you folks are entitled to free special medical coverage and if you have any brains at all you know damned well you won’t be. Before the phone call is over you will be signed up and the cost will be for more than a few shekels a month. Maybe you better call Tom and sell the house.

On the same channel another old fart wants you to sell your life insurance so he and his missus can retire and pay their medical bills which will be huge since they are Americans. Since you have already sold your house to Tom Selleck’s reverse mortgage company, the kids will have to sell the furniture sitting beside the For Sale sign on the lawn to raise enough money to bury you.

But there is good news; if you are Canadian you can buy the life insurance you never should have sold from the little yellow Canada Protection Plan guy with the red tie and no pants, without a medical – although you may have to answer a few questions, like whatever possessed you to to sell your house and life insurance to those two bozos in the first place?

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