What Do You Do?

A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster

I need some sage advice on a question of business ethics. To begin, I am not a regular online shopper, although I have done it a couple of times. Two weeks ago we sent in a grocery order since we are geezers who at the moment of writing should be hermetically sealed in a closet. The order worked out very well except I had a minor spasm while clicking on our milk order. How we are going to drink 22 litres of 2% before the best before date of April 29th is a bit of a puzzler.   

The other on-line experience was a disaster that I handled poorly and am now under the care of an eminent psychiatrist. I’ll explain.

I ordered a Sony Smart Band watch for the ridiculously low price of $28, give or take a buck or two. (This happened a year ago and the memory brain cells I bought at the same time for another ridiculously low price are only good for an hour.) This watch was advertised as the greatest thing ever to hit the health maintenance market. Once I strap it on this scientific wonder can tell me absolutely everything I would ever need to know about my bodily functions. It doesn’t matter if I am working out on a treadmill, alligator wrestling, or even if I am just going for a walk this scientific wonder can tell me my heart rate, my blood pressure and even the time of the month when I am most fertile. The only thing this technological miracle can’t do is work.

Oh, I’m sure it would do marvelous things if the batteries were charged, but the 28 bucks didn’t include a charger. I tried all the local electronics stores but they don’t sell them nor do they have any idea who does. Apparently the only place I can buy this particular charger is at a Sony outlet and from what I gather from scouring the Internet, the nearest one is at the corner of Sessue Hayakawa Street and Banzai Boulevard in downtown Tokyo.

So I just threw it in a drawer full of other wonderful deals I have fallen for over the years. I believe I told you a few years ago about the vinyl sauna pants I bought that almost caused my demise. I won’t get into it since the memory still causes me to break out in tears and a rash around my nether parts.

I hadn’t intended to tell you about my Smart Band but this morning I just happened to open my junk drawer and there it was looking up at me and I swear the little b______d was grinning.

Now my ethics problem, I happen to like Feature Foods Herring Filets in wine marinade, they are delicious and Keto Diet friendly. I have been buying two 600 gram jars at a time for the remarkably low price of $5.99 each at Costco for over a year. This morning I headed out to the store, carefully obeying all the isolation rules, I don’t want to pee off Doug Ford, but when I got there I realized I was now at the end of a line reaching almost to Hawkestone and this was at 8:30 am, hours before the usual mob hits. Mentally calculating how long I would have to wait I decided I had better leave since we are booked to fly to Winnipeg on the second of July.

I know of another store in Orillia that sells my herring but for (brace yourself) $7.99 for the same size jar. I will not mention the name of the store that starts with ‘Z’ because I am a regular and can’t risk banishment.

By sheer coincidence I received an on-line flyer from Costco this very morning and in among the numerous bargains offered was an OSAKI OS-4D Pro SOHO Massage Chair for only $3,699 delivered, a full $1300 below the regular price. Now here is my dilemma, would it be ethical for me to order this marvelous chair, PLUS two jars of Pickled Herring at $5.99 each and when everything arrives send the chair back because the colour they sent would clash with the couch covered in Willison’s cat hair I bought at Adams Furniture on Mississaga Street in Downtown Orillia in 1959? I will be willing to keep the herring however. I feel that would only be fair.

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