Jim Foster

But seriously though, doesn’t it bother you a little bit that this Santa guy keeps a list of all the little children?

Yet he complaineth not for he knew he wast on thin ice or wouldst hadst he known what ice wast.

But enough of my journey into heathenism and on to Johnny Standley’s Grandma’s Lye Soap.

“You want me to work on a boat? You mean like get a job on a cruise ship or something?”

I got a big charge out of Bob Carroll, my dentist back in the 70s, he’d stick a lead blanket over my crotch before he took an x-ray of my teeth. Why didn’t dentists do that during my childbearing years?

By that time I was into the single malt and missed the second act.

Their check-out machines talk to me, maybe not to you, but they do to me.

One good thing if you get murdered in England, they have a number of excellent detectives over there who will find the guy or gal who did you in within two hours, some of the sharper ones, in an hour.

Had it been a man, he would have thought far enough ahead to take it off first.

I was so exhausted I couldn’t turn my skis and ran right smack into the side of a school bus parked along the way.