Jim Foster

What has all this to do with living forever? Nothing really except that was how we lived when we were 9, 10, or 11.

His scholarship has also fallen into dispute after German archaeologists discovered what appears to be his Grade 6 report slate in which he received nothing higher than a ‘C’ and that was for going to the bathroom by himself.

One of their greatest Presidents, Abraham Lincoln said, ‘A nation divided against itself cannot stand,’ and by God, they sure are divided.

Steven Wright: “I bought some batteries but they weren’t included,” or another of his good ones, “What’s another word for thesaurus?”

What a disappointment and a waste of a good tune? Surely the lyricist could have arranged for them to meet someplace, even at the liquor store or Value Village…

I have always been a sucker for romantic movies, everyone knows that, I have written about them so often.

I would like to be remembered for doing something brave when I’m on my way out, but I suspect the hero the world will talk about for centuries won’t be me.

Men too have sacrificed themselves for a cause, but not as often.

If one is taking a chubby chap to a beach, far too often, he is surrounded by animal activists, wetted down, and dragged into the ocean.

Oh, and one more – under no circumstances will I take New Year’s advice from some loony columnist about anything…