Jim Foster

Now bugger off before I shoot you. That’s right, I said shoot you. How dare you pound upon my door?

My body is a temple, actually it is rapidly approaching the size of a cathedral, and I try to treat it as such.

I wonder if Dorothy Hammerstein and Oscar’s home life mirrored the love-life of the couples in the musicals.

I was in a pile of musicals but for some reason (probably the fact I can’t sing worth a sore ass) starring roles were never offered to me.

If you have ever read any of the pop psychology books losers all over the world buy, you will find they all say that to be accepted all we have to do is be one’s own self.

When you were courting ever so many years ago, you wouldn’t think twice about blowing a grand or two on something that will set his heart a pitter-patter. Think snow tires!

You will be surprised to learn that my needs are simple, as are you. I neither require nor ask for much.

When we are alone and it’s quiet and the snow is floating softly by the window, we think back to a long time ago.When we are alone and it’s quiet and the snow is floating softly by the window, we think back to a long time ago.

But seriously though, doesn’t it bother you a little bit that this Santa guy keeps a list of all the little children?

Yet he complaineth not for he knew he wast on thin ice or wouldst hadst he known what ice wast.