Jim Foster

His most famous poem was The Daffodils, a piece of crap every captive school child has had to recite since he wrote the damn thing in 1807.

I am afraid using the lyrics of a song to describe your love may not be advisable in every circumstance and failure to examine the words closely could lead to serious injury, possibly death.

For the gentleman out there, I wouldn’t mention your life-long interest in pornography unless the lady across the table looks strangely familiar.

He is also a minimalist. I thought that was a stupid thing to put in a dating ad until I realized he was not complaining about what he looks like naked.

Nobody is asking you to buy tickets to something that offends you. You simply don’t go.

Paris was a Trojan, although he refused to wear one.

As I am sure you know, it is required by terms of the British North America Act that the brighter citizens of Ontario travel to Manitoba every few years to bring some measure of civilization to that backward province.

And Goliath did flee like the wind crying out, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” and disappearethed o’er the mountaintop. Lo, didst David flang a day-old bagel and it also disappearethed o’er the crest.

Instead of their top guns working on isosceles triangles, squared hypotenuses and the weight of bodies immersed in water, someone should have been thinking long and hard about zippers.