It’s Taxing
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
From the Packet, March 19, 1996:
“I’ve always wondered.. if a guy gets married at 18 and is still going to school, who writes the note if he gets sick, his wife or his mother ?” – Richard Needham
I have no idea why I stuck that in there, it just struck me as funny.
Last Friday, I accidentally erased forty pages of a book I’m writing. That was the last straw. I was fed up fighting my old word processing system, so I put in Word Perfect.
Saturday, I started at 7:00 am and plugged away until noon, putting most of it back in. When I shut it down for lunch, the system asked Save document? and like an idiot, I said no. This is not stupidity, its way beyond that.
I did my own income tax this year, but I’m starting to suspect there may be some problem with me claiming the cat as a university student. I’m looking outside right now and the RCMP Musical Ride is forming up on the front lawn. Is that stuff good for the grass?
Income tax has always been a problem for me. Back when Otaco was shutting down, I had a whack of severance (not that big a whack now that I think about it) I had to claim and decided it couldn’t be all that difficult. I worked it out I would get back around 30 bucks.
But then I thought maybe somebody who knew what they were doing, might be able to get me a bit more. So I took it to Mel Greer. Mel phoned a day or so later and told me it was done.
Then he asked me what I wanted to do about the cheque. When I said, “What cheque?” He said, “The cheque for the $700 you owe the Government.”
I knew Mel was right, but to this day, I keep wondering… if I had sent it away myself, maybe the guy who got my return up in Ottawa, would have been just as stupid as I was, and sent me my 30 bucks.
I’m a little suspicious of the income tax people anyway. Every year they tell us they are simplifying the form so the average bozo can figure out his own tax. I’ve got it in front of me and this so-called simplified tax guide is 39 pages long. There are instructions for arming a nuclear bomb that are easier to read.
It’s got to the point now, that if any stuff comes in the mail has anything to do with the Government and my money, warning bells start going off in my shorts.
Chretien told us they were dumping the GST and now it seems to have conveniently slipped his mind. Mike Harris says he is going to cut a chunk out of the Ontario part of the great tax rip-off, but why is it I keep thinking my portion won’t even buy me a six pack? He’ll probably take my share and buy a new ball washer for the North Bay Golf and Country Club.
The more I think about this income tax thing the more I think they really could simplify it.
Take employment income (Box 14) and income tax deducted (Box 22) Subtract (Box 22) from (Box 14); send difference.
I think that’s what Forbes calls a flat tax. After you pay it, you’re flat broke.
Any time the Government gets involved in anything to do with money, somebody is going to get shafted. And you can bet your sweet bottom it won’t be the politicians and it certainly won’t be any of the directors of the major banks. If there really is to be a Judgment Day, the average Joe won’t have to worry much about it. We’ll be in the fast lane; the politicians and bankers will be backed up to Jupiter. When it comes to paying taxes, those guys can find more loopholes than a home-made sweater.
It doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s Federal, Provincial or just a small town council, any time you get a group of politicians in the same room, logic goes out the window.
I was reading in a technical magazine this morning that in Portage, Pennsylvania, the council voted to fire one of its only two policemen. At the same meeting, the panel approved the purchase of a new police cruiser, bringing the total of police cars up to two. (Actually the ‘technical magazine’ was National Lampoon, and in the same issue they ran a story about a Chicken McNugget being arrested for a break-in in Los Angeles.)
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