Present Fears Are Less Than Horrible Imaginings
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
Way, way back in 2000, Kelsey Grammer (Frasier Crane on the Frasier show for those of you who were in the john when they ran the credits) played Macbeth on Broadway. He was apparently very good, but Kelsey Grammer as the Thane of Cawdor really? It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it. Macbeth is a great role for someone like William Hutt, Sir Laurence Olivier, or our own Christopher Plummer, but it could be a disaster for a TV star.
Playing any of the classics on stage is quite a challenge for TV actors. Once we have watched them in a long-running sitcom or even a dramatic series, it is hard for us to identify with them playing some other role. We keep expecting them to do something from their show. Can’t you picture Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden playing the title role in Julius Caesar?
“One of these days, Brutus, ‘POW’ right in the kisser.”
I’m sure Kelsey had a fine time running around the castle stabbing people and saying ‘forsooth’ and “gazooks”, but I wonder if the audience really believed him. I’m sure they laughed uproariously in all the wrong places. I can see it now, every time he opened a door, his TV fans would chuckle away expecting him to catch Daphne in her underwear (I wouldn’t mind that myself) or Bulldog and Roz swimming in the moat.
Kelsey’s a TV comedian. He’s not supposed to be scheming and plotting murder with Mrs. Macbeth. He’s supposed to be sipping café lattes in an upscale coffee shop with his brother, Niles. The two of them should be discussing why Maris wore a deep-sea diver’s suit to bed on their wedding night and if it might suggest early signs of frigidity. Watching Shakespeare is hard enough for us peasants without trying to understand 16th century gag lines and waiting for someone to throw a custard pie that never comes.
None of us who studied Shakespeare in high school really knew for sure what Hamlet or King Lear was talking about. We had to take the word of an English teacher. I suspect most of them didn’t have a clue either and were just taking a wild stab at it. Even the names of his characters were weird. For instance, how many people do you know with names like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern? Okay maybe in Barrie, but not up here with the intelligent people..
On the other hand, maybe it’s time to do the theater world a great service. Now might be time to hire a TV screenwriter to dumb down all of Shakespeare’s plays so we peasants can understand them. We could start by running Kelsey’s MacFrasier on a Sunday night. He has already played the role of the murderous Scot and I’m sure he could remember the lines since it was only 26 years ago.
Can’t you see the three witches being played by the Golden Girls, with Estelle Getty as the fourth witch in Scotland for a single malt tasting?
FIRST WITCH – When shall we three meet again in thunder, lightning, or in rain?
MA – Why do we always meet in the pouring rain, Dorothy? Why can’t we meet when the sun is shining? My rheumatism is driving me crazy. Back in Sicily…
FIRST WITCH – Will you cut the Sicily crap, Ma? We’re trying to set up a meeting here. How be we meet on the heath when the hurly-burly’s done?
SECOND WITCH – When the ‘what’ is done? We didn’t have hurley-burley’s back in St. Olaf, Dorothy.
FIRST WITCH – You didn’t even have indoor plumbing in St. Olaf, Rose.
THIRD WITCH – Make sure there are warlocks invited, Dorothy, I need a man, maybe two or three.
I’m sure we can find a spot for the rest of the cast of Frasier in the show, although, I’m not so sure about Eddie, the dog. Dogs are notoriously unreliable in Shakespearean plays. Whenever they find a tree or a Styrofoam castle, they – well, you know what would happen.
The hardest role to fill will be Lady Macbeth. She was a cold calculating harpy with a razor sharp tongue. I was going to suggest Danielle Smith, the Premier of Alberta, but I think I’ll give it to the lady who was standing behind me in Zehrs yesterday when my ATM card wouldn’t work.
(Image Supplied)
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