Grandma Will Fix It
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
This will test your memory cells, do you remember that classical hit, Grandma’s Lye Soap? Unless you are older than dirt like most of my friends, you probably won’t.
It was sung by Johnny Standley back in 1952 and was the musical part of a satirical sermon It’s in the Book, a take-off on the children’s nursery story of Little Bo-Peep delivered in the style of an evangelical minister. It was obviously quite offensive to some of his listeners especially Pastor Guthrie of Bethel Baptist Church who tried to have it banned on CFOR, Orillia’s radio station. I don’t remember if he succeeded or not, or whether he really did try, (could have been just rumours) but it wouldn’t surprise me because Bethel was one of the mainstays of the radio station and was on every Sunday night, if not more during the week. The Reverend Bob had listeners from as far away as Texas.
What surprised me when I looked it up was the record sold over 2 million copies and was awarded a gold disc making it the most unlikely musical successes at the time.
It was wonderful. It was funny and spot on to what I thought sermons sounded like at the time and still do on Vision TV all day Sunday (Moses Znaimer must really need the money) This was back when high school kids still went to Sunday School and long before I became the heathen I am today. My Mom gave us 35 cents for the collection plate which I promptly spent. Well you could buy a lot for 35 cents in the 50s. The Saturday afternoon matinee was only a quarter, and that included a box of popcorn. When empty the boxes could be flattened and thrown like Frisbees. Fun, unless you got hit by one.
I dreaded going to Sunday School, not because of the stories (not much sex in them as I recall) but my Sunday School teacher was Bruce Laing who just happened to be my math teacher at OCI. I remember getting bawled out on Friday for not doing homework or something and he went at me again on Sunday afternoon. Bruce was a bit of an avenging angel, but his evangelism failed with me.
But enough of my journey into heathenism and on to Johnny Standley’s Grandma’s Lye Soap.
‘Now if you will kindly pick up your books and turn to page 222. We’ll ask you all to sing. You will find your books on the back of your seat.
‘Are you ready? Everyone, 222. Let’s really enjoy ourselves, let’s live it up. All together . . .’
Do you remember grandma’s lye soap
Good for everything in the home
And the secret was in the scrubbing
It wouldn’t suds, it wouldn’t foam
Then let us sing right out of grandma’s lye soap
Used for everything in the home
For pots and pans, the dirty dishes, and for your hands and for your face.
‘So we’ll now sing the second verse. Let’s get it with great exuberance, let’s live it up. It’s not raining inside tonight. Everyone, let’s have a happy time.
Are we ready? All together, the second verse.’
Little Herman and brother Thurman
Had an aversion for washing their ears
Grandma scrubbed them with the lye soap
And they haven’t heard a word in years
Then let us sing right out of Grandma’s, of grandma’s lye soap
Sing all out, all over the place
The pots and pans, the dirty dishes, and also hands and also (clapping fades)
‘Well let’s sing of what’s left of the last verse
Let’s have a happy time, everyone
The last verse, a-l-l-l together
Ev-v-very one!’
M-m-m—m thank you kindly, kindly
M-m-Mrs O’Malley, out in the valley
Suffered from ulcers, I understand
She swallowed a cake of grandma’s lye soap
Has the cleanest ulcers in the land
Let us sing right out of grandma’s, of grandma’s lye soap
Sing right out, all over the place
The pots and . . the pots and pans, oh dirty dishes
And for the hands . . . (clapping fading in the background)
I guess you had to be there. (For the curious)
(Image Supplied)
