Making You A Better Person
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
Well it is that time when everyone wishing to better him or herself should sit down with a goose feather quill and a ream of paper and make a few resolutions. It is the wish of each and every one of us, nay, it is the duty of each and every one of us, to work hard to correct any flaws in our character or physique and become a credit to society.
There is, however, the occasional soul who as a result of a lifetime of striving has reached a level of perfection where further changes are not necessary, or advisable, really, lest ‘that person’ becomes smug and insufferably conceited.
If I were honest and searched real hard I could probably find some minor blemish or weakness that I could work on, but at the moment I can’t think of even one. I have been awake since 5:00 this morning going through my list of possible shortcomings and have yet to find one thing that needs improving let alone changing.
My weight, which was a problem for years and one of last year’s resolutions, has finally stabilized. By watching my diet and eating all the right foods, I am now putting on a pound every 4.57 hours. My personal trainer, who is sleeping at the moment, estimates that I will explode somewhere in late January and is already making plans for my side of the bed.
I have to admit that my wardrobe was once the subject of derision here in the City of Orillia and was last year’s 2nd resolution. I was inclined to wear raggedy-ass jeans and the same one-size-fits-no-one beer shirt to every social function. That sartorial miscue was corrected in October when I found another shirt on the ‘next stop out the door‘ rack at Value Village.
And no, I guess that was the only thing keeping me from being a model citizen. So that means it’s time for me to work on the areas that you, the reader, or the one being read to, should be changing if you too are to become a leader in your city, town, village, hamlet, or four-corners.
First take a good hard look at yourself naked. This should be done in front of a full-length mirror unless your full-length mirror is in the living room across from a bay window looking out over the front lawn, or your wife or husband’s family happens to be there having tea. Are there any areas of concern? By that I mean is anything sagging, protruding, or looming that wasn’t there when you were 15 and in the best shape of your life? If there is, resolve to reduce it by some sort of exercise. A walk around the block three or four times a year should do it.
There that’s done. It is time now to discuss your personality (assuming you have one) and what if anything can be done to make you a better person. Do you find that whenever you knock on someone’s door they pretend they are not home even though there are several cars in the driveway and sounds of revelry are shaking the windows? Is it possible you are not enjoyed by most sane people and need to brush up on your social skills? That used to happen to me all the time. I recall once a hostess sent me for ice as I was coming through the front door. When I got back the house was empty and a For Sale sign was on the lawn. When I found them 12 years later living under another name, she mumbled a vague apology then sent me out for more ice.
My wife finally told me I was inclined to be a know-it-all at parties and that I should try to be a bit more humble and shut up occasionally. I was just starting to tell her that in fact I do know everything and considerably more when she remembered we were out of ice. I have no idea where she lives now.
If you have ever read any of the pop psychology books losers all over the world buy, you will find they all say that to be accepted all we have to do is be one’s own self. But what if one’s own self is an idiot and a loud one at that?
The answer of course, is to resolve to shut up once in a while and if the hostess sends you for ice, don’t go.
(Image Supplied)
