Gift Giving Advice For Dummies
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
Christmas is nigh and once again I have been asked to quickly suggest some last-minute gifts for the people so spaced out they didn’t realize the leaves have fallen and have nothing for their loved ones. It happens every year. I have no idea why.
Most men, well all I know personally, have been ready since early November. Men are so well organized it must amaze their wives. All their presents have been bought. Their Christmas cards have been carefully chosen. Each and every one contains a little message of hope and inspiration with plenty of thought given to the meaning of the season. It is such a joy to go into the stores in the fall and see hundreds of smiling men scurrying about, little lists in hand, and their shopping carts filled to overflowing with gifts for their children, grandchildren, and of course, the little lady who absolutely adores him because of his thoughtfulness.
The wives, unfortunately, have left it all up to us lads, just like last year, the year before and eons before that. Why this is so I have no idea. I guess it’s because men are so good at that sort of thing, while the ladies are so (I hate to say lazy) let’s just say, loosey-goosey about such things. I guess it has always been thus, much like weddings where the groom does everything while the bride just goes to showers and eats cake.
Quite frankly something should be done to motivate the ladies, but it’s like trying to bell a cat; no one wants to do it.
But that doesn’t help the problem facing the late shopper and why I have been asked to come up with a few suggestions to make the Christmas season more relaxed and enjoyable.
First― decide how much you want to spend. Keep in mind some people (see wives) deserve a little more expensive gift otherwise her little stud muffin may find a certain coolness pervading the air. Occasionally, should the gift not thrill the love of his life, a husband would be well-advised to hire a taster (preferably a person who won’t be missed) for a week or two after the yuletide. It is also quite possible that a January cold snap will be a cool breeze compared to the icy atmosphere pervading his happy home should he not come up with something sweet and loving.
We all remember the tragic year you gave her the flannel bloomers that would be loose-fitting on a pick-up truck. It was weeks before you were able to leave the hospital. This year at least try to get a rough idea what size your missus wears. If you don’t I’m sure your replacement will be wise enough to search her drawers. (Perhaps I should re-phrase that, check her undies. I guess that’s not much better.)
I would suggest something in the range of $15 to $20 if you have been married a while, if it’s just a year or two, maybe 30 bucks, but not much more. Something you can share is always a good idea and you can justify the extra expense. Glenmorangie 17 year old Single Malt, although a little over most budgets, is an excellent gift for two, especially if your bride is a non-drinker. It even comes in a decorative box so you can just stick a bow on it and voila, your shopping for her is done. If you need help opening it, since your arm will likely be broken, I can make myself available any time after dawn on the 25th.
Now, what should you, madam, buy for the man lying on the couch in his underwear. Yes, the man who sets your heart a-flutter every day. When you were courting ever so many years ago, you wouldn’t think twice about blowing a grand or two on something that will set his heart a pitter-patter. Think snow tires!
There are some excellent buys in December. If it is one thing dealerships love to do it’s to slash their prices when the Arctic winds are ripping across the land and tow trucks are hauling car after car out of the ditches. Surprise him on Christmas morning. Just as soon as Santa has taken off from your rooftop, put on your parka, your fur-lined gloves and mukluks, haul your little bottom out into the blizzard and put ’em on. He will love you for it.
Let me know how you make out.
(Image Supplied)
