The March Of Time, Visualized
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
I was horrified to read that Barbra Streisand turned 83 last month. Shirley McLean is an unbelievable 91, can you even imagine that? Shirley looks so young, or used to, although I heard that lately she doesn’t leave the house without her make-up or a paper bag over her head.
My old pen pal, Sophia Loren, will be 91 in September. I say pen pal, but to be honest she never wrote back. I don’t blame her; have you seen the price of stamps these days? This morning 14 bucks for 10 stamps. I can remember when they were three cents and the mail came twice a day (Actually, I don’t remember the twice a day business at all. My mother told me that. I think she made it up.)
When I realized how old Barb, Shirley and Sophia are, I suddenly felt very old. As Anna Nichole Smith said the morning after she married 89-year-old billionaire J. Howard Marshall, “I felt old age creeping up on me.”
All three ladies are high on my bucket list but lately (keep this to yourself) I am starting to question how long I can remain on the top tier of the world’s great lovers. I know I look like I am in my prime and every woman’s ideal dream date. And yes, I should have many years left, but last night and again this morning… well they say it happens to everyone eventually, but surely not to me?
It’s ridiculous really for me to start to worry about my prowess, after all I’m a sprightly 87. Although I am rapidly approaching 88 and that can’t be good.
On the other hand, old Abraham of Biblical fame was still active when he was 175 years old. Although I read in Galoshes 12:16 Abe was only good for two or three times a week and even then Isaac had to stand beside the bed with the defibrillator paddles charged and ready to go.
Methuselah, Enoch’s kid, was another Genesis stud. Meth finally kicked off at the tender age of 969, but I heard through the grapevine his groupies gave up on him somewhere around the 450 year mark and by 500 even the local divorcees had stopped calling. He died on his birthday, most people don’t know that. The family and his closest friends were all hiding behind the couch and yelled SURPRISE! And down he went. The candles alone must have cost a fortune.
His dad, Enoch, went to his reward when he was just a kid, barely 65 years-old. He probably still had teenage acne and wore his jeans with the bum hanging down behind his knees.
Throughout history some of the older boys were still going strong into their 90s and beyond, at least they were way back when, and a few are terrors in the bedroom even today. Why just recently 91 year-old Rupert Murdock, divorced his fourth wife and announced that once again ‘love is in the air’ and he plans to marry Ann-Lesley Smith, a young chick of 66. Whether they plan to buy a house near a school he didn’t say. If I were he, I would be getting in touch with Isaac and telling him to fire up his paddles.
I don’t hold much hope for the future of mankind. Today most men born after WW2 hung up their pajamas by the time they reached 40. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to carry out their manly duties; they just gave up trying to catch the missus when she was home.
Myself I blame it on the Suffragettes and men foolishly giving women the Right to Vote. It must have been hard for Richard Pankhurst to keep the romance alive in his marriage when Emmeline, his wife, chained herself to a lamppost back in 1903. Had he tried though, it sure would have drawn a crowd.
It is always a bit of a shocker when we see pics of famous movie stars as they are now. Even some of the sexiest woman of the 50s and 60s seemed to have aged somewhat. Brigitte Bardot, a famous beauty, likely wouldn’t even be the first choice for CARP magazine’s Playmate of the Month centerfold and she was a stunner. At 90, Brigitte is showing her age just a little. What I find interesting is B. B. is back in the news for defending film star, Gérard Depardieu, after he was charged with sexual assault for grabbing the bum of a French actress. I would never think of doing such a thing. On the other hand, if it were a Canadian actress…
(Image Supplied)
