Riding Bareback On A Coventry Lane
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
Women always seem to get the short end of the stick. Rarely is a woman remembered unless she launched a fleet of ships with her face like Lady Helen of Troy who apparently spent her declining years picking slivers from her nose. And we mustn’t forget the Lady Eve whose cravings for apple fritters caused her and her rib-shy beloved to be evicted from their rent-controlled digs without clothing, employment or references.
Granted, the odd woman made the history books, Joan d’Arc, who was later barbecued for her troubles, Salome, who carried getting ahead a bit too far, and Bathsheba. According to the Bible, Bathsheba was caught soaking in King David’s bathtub and he had her cut in half – or was that Solomon? (You might want to check that out. I’m a tad rusty on the Old Testament, and the New Testament too now that I think about it.)
Certainly, one of the most popular women of history was the noted English horsewoman, Lady Godiva. I’m sure most of you know her. Well, I don’t mean know her personally, although there are a few of the old boys down at the legion who probably do, but I’m sure almost all of you have read about her famous naked ride through the streets of Coventry.
Riding bare-naked on a plough horse, a popular sport in England today, was frowned upon during Britain’s Dark Ages (750– 1997 CE). It was especially taboo in Coventry, a town famous for its many cathedrals — although that could have been Westminster.
No matter, the priests and monks of the day had a hard enough time staying celibate without some trollop clip-clopping up and down the main street with all her accoutrements on display.
Of course, Lady Godiva was hardly a trollop. She was a noblewoman, the wife of Leofric, Earl of Mercia and Lord of Coventry. Because of her standing in the upper class of feudal society her little problem with exhibitionism would normally be none of your business, or of mine. Sometimes however, it becomes necessary to delve into a historical person’s private life in order that we may fully understand the political situation at the time. This revelation of her famous ride is for that purpose alone. If you are a perverted dolt and get some sort of sexual pleasure from picturing a naked lady astride a horse then you should be ashamed of yourself and might consider booking yourself in for a psychiatric assessment.
The original story has somehow been distorted by the telling and re-telling over the centuries until now the length of her ride and her cup size (44D) is as believable as an Arkansas UFO sighting.
As legend would have it, Lady Godiva, nee Tammy Faye FitzHugh, rode naked on a white horse to protest the high taxes her husband, the Earl, levied on the poor people of Coventry.
Now this could very well be true. The Earl was certainly known to be a rotter and if he were alive today would most certainly be fairly high up in the Federal Conservative Party and even higher among American Republicans. On the other hand, she too had her little idiosyncrasies – like she was inclined to drink a wee bit. On a good day when nothing was bothering her and all seemed right with the world, Tammy Faye was good for a quart. But when the poor girl was troubled with self-doubt or in the throes of her thrice-monthly PMS attack, her Ladyship could knock back a forty-ounce jug in the morning before the cock crowed.
Most women of the day were able to hide their fondness for booze by filling the teapot with vodka or adding an ounce or two of gin to the water reservoir in her steam iron. Unfortunately, Lady Godiva was a noblewoman and a woman of her position couldn’t just work off her frustrations with a basket of ironing or an hour or two of running a vacuum over the rug. When Tammy Faye’s cares and woes got her down and she really got into the sauce, she developed an irresistible desire to strip off her gown, her steel breast-plate and elastic support hose and parade up and down the palace halls stark naked. But then, what emancipated woman doesn’t?
More about Tammy Faye and her ride next week
