Buns Of Steel
A Geezer’s Notebook, By Jim Foster
I was surprised last night to see a promo clip of TV’s Supergirl, Kara Zor-El, kissing a man. I fear Kara might make a habit of this kissing business, or even worse move in with some poor smitten chap. Yes, I know Superman and Lois eventually married and they made out all right; but if you recall Clark was a bit simple and thought marital relations were her relatives living somewhere north of Toronto.
Don’t misunderstand me; I have nothing against a human man marrying a woman from another planet – unless one or the other is an American Republican. In that case both should be put down, or impeached and then put down. But romancing an alien is a lot different than settling down with someone of another race or religion. For one thing they are a hell of a lot stronger than we are. Supergirl is from the now defunct planet of Krypton and everyone knows ladies from outer space are infinitely stronger than mere human males, especially one from Krypton. If some clown from here gets too chummy with an alien miss, well, remember when I told you a while back not to pat a lady wrestler on the bottom because she would body slam you onto the cement floor. Well Kara-Zor-El or any of her sisters would pick up the cement floor and body slam it on you.
By the way, if you know anything about Superman at all, his father, Jor-El, and his missus, Lara-El, packed the little super-person into a spaceship and sent him off all by himself into the great unknown just as the planet disintegrated into space dust. He was the only one who escaped. We know that from the fine movie starring Christopher Reeve and Margot Kidder. In the very next movie, three more of these clowns show up and they were rascals, my friends, simply rascals. Now they are all over the place and all of them up to no good. That suggests to me that the little tyke was not the only one to survive the blast. There must have been a mass exodus with streams of space ships careening across the galaxy at breakneck speed. Think of the thousands of snowbirds sailing down I-75 every November, well that’s what it must have looked like only without the Bermuda shorts and sunglasses.
I don’t think senior chaps need to worry too much about getting involved with an alien woman romantically even if the thought did occur to us when we saw what we believe to be a Krypton lady in shorts and a halter-top in WalMart. Super persons have x-ray vision (remember Lois Lane and her pink underpants) If we followed her home, one peak at us standing in her doorway in our under-britches and we’ll be crossed off her list of potential bedmates before the next blink.
Since Superman is the man of steel we have to assume his cousin, Kara is made of steel also, perhaps her body is a little smoother and no doubt it would look quite enticing in scanty attire if one likes that sort of thing, but she is also indestructible like the male of her species and, I hate to tell you this, but you, horny sir, are not. A sudden case of wandering hand trouble and you could end up with no hands to wander.
If there relationship is purely nonsexual – as most are these days what with cell phones, Facebook and Twitter replacing the urge to mate – I am all for letting the kids have a go at it, dating I mean. They can do what all teenagers of today do to pass the time, discuss political philosophy. Alien women can do that too. If you remember the super-tyke had all the knowledge of the universe pumped into his little brain as he sailed towards Earth. Why he never passed out of Grade Four remains a mystery. We have to assume Kara Zor-El got the same education and probably remembered most of it because she didn’t think about girls all day. As long as it is platonic, let them go to it.
However, should it become more intimate and we know eventually it will, after all Kara is quite pretty, assuming you are attracted to girls who lift dump trucks just to keep in shape, I can foresee the inevitable happening, an evening of bedtime fun and frolic. Herein I see the problem. The huge difference in physical strength and athletic abilities could very well be fatal for the gentleman sharing her bed – and possibly for all of us within several city blocks. Now I don’t want to shock you but should the coupling be consummated even the most minor spasm during her orgasm could wipe out a community the size of Orillia.
Rants & Raves
